i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
