I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
