I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
