So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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