just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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