I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
