guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
