I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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