Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
