Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
