I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
