Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this boner is exhausting
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
