Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
