I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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