That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
