hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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