Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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