like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
