dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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