some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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