she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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