now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
