so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
