flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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