I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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