i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
