he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
