dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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