Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
