This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
