Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
