Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
