So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
