Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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