You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
