Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
