Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
