i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
