is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
