nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
