I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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