Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
