I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
