God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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