My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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