Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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