I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I met the friendliest cop last night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
