Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
