I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
