I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Randomize
