is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
