we have pet lesbian snakes
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
