I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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