so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
