he wants to bone in the snuggie
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
