I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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