This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
