dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
