well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
