I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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