Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
