I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
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how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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