she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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