She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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