dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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