trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
