vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
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Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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