And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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