I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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