i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
