My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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