I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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