I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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