You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
