i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
