We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
