so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
