I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
