Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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