he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am available for nakedness
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
